I was thinkin' about Butch this mornin' and something he did to me one time...I was pregnant with Jenny and near to time and we were at a lake he had rowed us out there to the middle with a shovel...then he jumped in and left me..he swam back to shore leaving me in the middle of the lake .....kinda like bein' up shit creek w/o the paddle...now if I was going to sum up my life...I would say that one act covers it...have a man take you way out to the deep part and leave you to figure out how to get back...I can't swim so it wasn't fun...but I made it...the shovel isn't the best oar in the world but it can do the job...Butch taught me early on that a man isn't a thing you can trust...oh the word is bitter to my tongue...I never forget anything....I might forgive...but I never forget....you show yourself a snake to me and it will be a snake you remain...don't care how you dress today...you are still the snake....how deep does a cut go before you bleed to death? How many times does the knife have to be put in your back before you go down for the last time?.....bunch kids...a bunch...I'm here to tell you...rivers of water run down my face....my heart is leaking it's life blood....I wait for the day when it finally stops....when this weight in my chest is lifted and I can breath again...the road has been long and hard....I see nothin' ahead...all is dark...I look behind and have to strain my eyes to see the pin pricks of light ....I'm weary.....it was all a joke...all a big ugly joke and I was the only one not in on it...

thank you ice for bringin' this song to my mind..

well...I have gone through a few changes here tonight...and I made some...comments are no longer being taken here...you wanna talk to me?..pm me...other wise...I hope whatever I post will be okay....I'm not givin' up my blog...but I can shut the door on some of it...I don't know if or when I might change my mind...I love all of you and you all know it...I'm just not up for the game...to much ...it's all to much...I heard one time the only thing you can count on is your fingers and nothin in this life has proved it wrong...